Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Chasing The Faith

Good evening all...so I just started back at school (senior year...say what?!) and things are gonna get busy real quick. However, I thought I'd write tonight since I've got a few ideas.

I didn't realize just how much I had pushed my faith to the side this summer until I walked back into the doors of Lutheran High. The classes began with prayers and devotions and it felt good to be surrounded with both familiar and new teachers and classmates. Being back at school with fellow believers was refreshing.

While it was easy to slip away from the daily routine of prayer this summer, I've come to the conclusion that I wanna "jump back in". I see tons of people living their lives as strong Christians, and I've never seen anybody as happy as they are. That's what I want. I want people to ask what makes me so happy, and I want to be able to firmly respond with "Jesus!"

I want to feel God work in my heart. To feel Him strengthen my faith and allow me to share that with others. I've had so many problems with keeping the right people in my life and getting rid of the wrong ones. So I'm going to keep chasing after my faith, harder than ever, and if they can keep up, then I guess those are the supportive people that will help me grow in my faith. The people that truly deserve a spot in my life. Really, I want healthy relationships with those around me. Less negativity. I don't want to slip back into the depression that usually comes with gloomier weather. I don't want to survive...I want to thrive. 

The other morning, I was incredibly anxious about my first day of school. I thought it was silly; I've been going to the same school for 3 years! However, I was restless. But for the first time in a long time, I found myself back in God's Word. All on my own. I wrote down some verses from Matthew about how we needn't worry about the future because God cares for us. It was comforting and my heart found peace.

Like I've said before, I don't always look to God when I should. But now, I'm ready. I can't wait to keep seeing these blessings, and for my faith to grow. God is good at all times.

Here's to a good school year and an even better faith,
Marissa Mayer

P.S. If you're interested in diving a little deeper in your faith, join me! I'll hopefully be tweeting some bible verses. Follow me @depressbless on Twitter! Love you all. 

Thursday, August 18, 2016

Needing A Hero

Good evening all...hope you're all doing better than ever. I truly apologize for the recent lack of activity. I've had writer's block for such a long time.

I've said it before, but I'll say it again...I really really gotta start relying more on God. 

I recently said goodbye to some old friends. My relationships with them were toxic. I was constantly hurting, but gave them endless chances and was numb to the apologies. You might be asking why I stayed friends with these people for so long anyways. I suppose that in my head, the good outweighed the bad. However, in reality, it took a lot of pain before I let go. I used to go to both of them when I wasn't feeling okay, and I can now see that I should have went to God first. Reliance can be tricky to understand, and I wasn't using it correctly.

As a 17 year old, I'm extremely independent. My depression, however, makes me quite dependent. Especially on my mom and some other close friends. It can be easy to say that I want to do it all on my own. But that isn't realistic. God has placed some amazing people in my life. We've been put into the family of Christ with the purpose to love and serve each other. And that's great...as long as we are helping in the right way. 

It's okay to admit you need help. But when you're getting the wrong kind, don't be afraid to look to God. I've learned the hard way that I can't be my own hero. And there's a lot of people who can't help me either. But that's okay, because I am saved by the Ultimate Hero. Jesus Christ. Without Him, I'd be nothing. 

The past few days, it's as if I can feel my depression lurking nearby. I wouldn't be surprised if it came around again...my handful of "good months" are coming to a close. However, I'm ready to fight. With Christ, I am ready to conquer yet another round of darkness. 

For I cannot save myself,
Marissa Mayer


Thursday, August 11, 2016

8.11.16

Hey everyone! I apologize for not posting in awhile. I'm currently on vacation in New York and I haven't had much time (or real content).

So, I've been doing really well. I hope you can all say the same! I know I've said it before, but I find myself drifting away from constant prayer and reading God's Word. While there is no excuse, I blame it on the constant rush that happens to be my life. It can be so simple to lose sight of your faith when things are going right.

Thankfully, I start school again soon and I think it will be good to get back into an environment where I hear God's Word constantly. Can't believe I'm a senior...time has flown by.

In other news, the blog has been receiving an immense amount of views from Russia! This past week, it actually dominated views from the United States. Crazy to see God work across the world. I'm hoping to do a vlog again soon...maybe when I get home or get some more content.

Sorry this isn't much...I'll be writing some good stuff again soon!

Love and prayers are with you always,
Marissa Mayer

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

A Blessed Year of Blogging

Hey everyone! Can't believe I've been blogging for an entire year...it's been a crazy ride. I'll never be able to thank you enough for all you've done for me. The prayers, the views, the love. It's been amazing. So, in honor of today, I made my very first vlog! 


Much much love to each and every one of you. XO
Marissa Mayer


Sunday, July 24, 2016

Survived & Revived

Good (early) morning? Sorry it's been awhile, but I've got lots on my mind and plenty to share. And as I probably mentioned in an earlier post, I recently went down to New Orleans for the LCMS National Youth Gathering. To describe my experience in simple terms: life-changing. But anyways, here I am off track already...so let's go!

If we look back on last summer, most of you can recall that I was stuck in a deep pit of depression. The worst I probably have ever been. Most days I found myself wanting to die. Life lost most of it's value in my eyes. The world was devoid of color and purpose. For those of you who don't have depression or don't quite understand what I mean...here's an analogy. If life was a birthday party, I was living in a funeral while everyone around me was eating cake and opening presents.

People around me were having fun summers and spending time with their families while I watched mine fall apart. If you haven't heard me say it a bajillion times already, here it is again: divorce sucks. 

I remember being warned about suicide and those kinds of things as a fairly young kid, and trying to fathom why anyone would want to kill him or herself. It seemed hard to understand, and little did I know that I would be the one making scars on my thigh and pouring pills into my hands years later.

Despite all the loss I faced, the demons that attacked me on a daily basis, God pulled me through it. Without Him, I have no doubt in my mind that I would be dead. Through each attempt, I remember the taunting voices in my head, but then a voice in my heart saying, "Marissa, my child, you are loved." I know it's something I never shared, but it's true. While the sad part of me begged for everything to end, I knew deep down I wanted to be saved from trying to kill myself. I wanted that calming voice to keep telling me that I was loved. Today, I'm here, able to tell you that I survived it all. Answered prayer.

Now back to my trip. The National Youth Gathering was...well, uplifting. I can't actually form a good sentence for you. I was spiritually revived when I saw the love of Christ among 25,000 other Christians. To witness that many people all worshiping the same God that worked miracles in my life (and in all of theirs)...it's beautiful.

Through Christ I am saved. I have survived life thus far, and now that my faith has been revived, I'm excited to see where He continues to take me.

Take me, mold me, I am Yours,
Marissa Mayer
Other announcements: 

1) 13K views by the time this is posted! Yay! THANK YOU ALL!

2) SHIRTS ARE NOW AVAILABLE HERE: https://www.customink.com/g/gec0-00an-deke

3) Continue to LIKE Depressed But Blessed on:
 Twitter (@depressbless)
And you can follow my personal Instagram (@marii_mayy)

4) Happy 1st Birthday to DBB is coming up in only a few days! With that, I'm hoping to try a vlog (video-blog post for those of you who don't know what this is)

5) And as always, thank you for the support and prayers. Keep on sharing my blog, and I'll keep on writing! Feel free to contact me (side forum or social media) with any ideas, questions, suggestions...etc. that you have! Love to hear from you!

Thursday, July 14, 2016

Do What You Want

Good evening...another late night post. Oops!

You might be thinking that the title of this post is slightly sassy. I guess I couldn't come up with a better one to tie together some stuff...hope it works! And just as a PSA: I'm leaving early Friday morning for the National Youth Gathering in New Orleans and won't be back until Wednesday night at like midnight...so I won't be writing for a little over a week probably.

Anyways, I went to my grandma's swing again the other night all by myself. Like I've said in many other posts, I actually love doing stuff by myself a lot. I call them "Marissa dates" and I know it sounds ridiculous, but it's very peaceful. I sat at the swing, read the rest of my book, and then felt compelled to pray. So I did. I asked for peace as I get ready for my trip, and that God would open my heart as I gathered with 25,000 other Christians to worship and learn more about my faith. I prayed for a lot of other personal things, and when I was done, I didn't feel ready to leave. I felt a weight removed from my shoulders.

It took me awhile to realize what happened, but I came to understand that I had just willingly placed my fears into God's hands knowing that He would handle them. I had basically told God "do what you want with me and my heart on this journey"...and it felt great to give more of my heart to Him. As I struggle with some relationships, I also feel ready to keep them or let them go, according to His will. I rest more peacefully knowing that I want His plan because it is better than mine.

After the swing, I went to Culver's all by myself and for the rest of the night I was in a great mood because I was starting to do what I wanted...and that means listening to God and following Him wherever He leads me. Life's just so much easier when you let God do what He wants. 

I hope you all have a wonderful finish to the week and make time to pray. As always, I'm praying for you and I cannot wait to come back and celebrate the one-year anniversary of DBB! God has definitely done some major work through me and in me in the past year. Thank you for sticking by my side and reading Depressed But Blessed. It means the world to me!

Lord, calm my fears and mold me into the Christian you want me to be,
Marissa Mayer

Thursday, July 7, 2016

The "Upside" of Living With Depression

Good evening everyone! I've been having some issues with writer's block lately...

For an update on myself, I guess I've been doing okay. I'm still suffering from the heartbreak, but I've been keeping busy enough to keep it to a minimum. I find my depression to be slight, it comes and goes as it pleases depending on the day. I'm currently not taking any of my herbal supplements either. I'm also getting super excited for my trip to New Orleans (from July 15th-20th). Anyways, that's the update on me! So here's tonight's read: The "Upside" of Living With Depression

Whenever we hear the word "depression" it's easy to quickly think of the terrible mental illness that plagues a huge chunk of the human race. To those of you who have read my blog before, I'm sure you have learned a lot about the scary and dark days I face. However, it is possible to put a positive light on living with this mental illness and I think these are a handful of things I have learned and have been reminded of along the way.

1. You finally understand who your friends really are...

I know I've said it before, but I've lost a lot of people throughout my journey with depression. Some people just aren't sure how to handle me, and I guess I can understand that. At the same time, I've found a lot of great people who are actually there for me when I need them. I've gained some great relationships with people and lost some toxic ones.

2. The simple blessings...

When I get stuck in a period of really rough depression, it's the little things that can really help me. Whether it's an extra long hug from my mom or getting the right cup of coffee, depression has opened my eyes to the littlest of blessings and made me more appreciative of the world I live in.

3. I can see just how strong I've become...

While I use the word "weak" to describe how I feel a lot, I know that it's temporary. I've lived for 16 years, and while I've attempted to cut it short a few times, I've somehow survived everything in my past. Wait, scratch that. I know how I survived...it's through Christ! And that leads me to number 4...

4. ...yet I can see my reliance on Christ...

It'd be silly to think I've gotten this far on my own. I got here through falling...countless times. Falling straight into my Father's arms and asking Him to pick me back up. Each time, He has carried me a little further, and then placed me back on my feet when I'm ready to walk again. Always nearby, I know I can rely on my Lord and Savior to guide me through this crazy route of life.

5. I've learned to love just a little bit bigger...

There are a lot of times when I find it hard to love myself, but somehow, I think I've learned a lot more about loving others. By living with depression, I can easily understand that the people around me are facing many different battles too! God has opened my heart more to the idea of loving because Christ first loved me. Of course, as I'm growing up, I've gotten a lot closer with my mom, who is a great example of what love looks like, as well as my little cousin, Emma. You can read more about them in: My Two Best Friends

6. I recognize stigma and want to fight it...

Stigma stands quite strong against mental illness. I didn't even know what it was until I faced quite a few of my own stigma experiences. It hinders many people from getting the help they need and one of my biggest hopes is that it can be eliminated from today's society. And that's why I'm so blessed to stand with organizations such as Project Semicolon, NAMI, MHA, and of course others who blog about mental illness. 

To summarize some of those points, and lead you to the greatest "benefit" of depression...I think it's safe to say that my faith continues to grow. Without it, I wouldn't be where I am today. I'm almost certain that I wouldn't even be alive. Each step of the way, I am reminded that prayer never ends, the blessings never end, and His love for me most definitely never ends. It's exciting to watch myself grow, and I thank all of you for helping me too, as I continue my journey as a depressed but blessed daughter of the King.

Another upside to my depression? Being a Christian blogger!
Much love, 
Marissa Mayer

Like this post? Read a similar one: The Beauty That Lies Beyond The Depression