Friday, August 28, 2015

Sunshine On Rainy Days

Today was a drizzly day here in Wisconsin. And I know that for me, I tend to feel a little more sad on these kinds of days. I went to school not feeling well, yet again, and it frustrated me. And when I got to school, I broke down. Quietly.

In all honesty, it's hard. I don't like crying in front of people. And I was surrounded by my friends this morning when the tears flooded my eyes.

To all of you who have experienced something similar, I hope you have people who are always there for you 100%. Because, this morning, I felt like I had nobody. My friends hadn't really made any effort to communicate with me this summer. And let me tell you, this summer was when I needed them most. But suddenly when they watched me cry at school it seemed like the right time to step up and be "friends". It frustrated me. Sure, I had two people ask me this morning "what's wrong?" and tell me it would be okay, but for some reason, I didn't feel any better. You know why? It's virtually impossible for me to tell you what's wrong. Most of the time when my sadness gets the best of me, I am not able to pin point the source of my pain. And hearing that it will get better only reminds me that I'm not okay right now. And in the moment, that's all that matters.

To those of you who read my blog and do not have anxiety or depression, I ask that you choose your words wisely when trying to comfort somebody. One thing I love using is God and His love. He will make things better. He will make it okay. If you're going to use the phrase, "it'll be okay", use it cautiously. Use God as you speak. He is the ultimate source of comfort and peace. Sometimes, it's even best to just not say anything. For example, in chapel the other day, the pastor spoke about Christ and the sacrifice He made for His bride- The Church. He loved her enough that He died for her. He related this to marriages in our world today. This reminded me of my parents and of everything that's going wrong. Before I had time to cry, one of my friends took my hand and just held it. Squeezed it tight and didn't say a word. Sometimes silence speaks louder than words.

What I'm trying to say is, find those people who understand you the best. The ones that aren't as self-centered. The ones who will be there for you through everything. Because if there are people in your life who you do everything for, but they aren't willing to lift a finger for you, are they really going to be of good support during your battle with depression/anxiety/etc.? Probably not. And this is something that I only came to terms with today. I'm not saying drop them as friends. Not at all. I'm saying that you can find people- perhaps it's only one or two- who will always be there. It's not the number of friends, it's the quality of your friends. We all know it hurts to run to your friends who won't help you when you need it. That's how I felt today. But there is always going to be those few rays of sunshine in your storm. And I can promise you that I am always going to be one of them.

I'm sorry if this post was a little confusing. For some reason I can't find the right words to express my thoughts tonight- it was a long week at school! Hope you all had a fabulous day, and thank you so much for the 2.3k views! God certainly is taking me places with this blog.

Shining brightly in the light of His love,
Marissa Mayer

"Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble,
and he brought them out of their distress.
He stilled the storm to a whisper;
the waves of the sea were hushed.
They were glad when it grew calm,
and he guided them to their desired haven.
Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love
and his wonderful deeds for mankind."

-Psalm 107: 28-31

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