Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Attacked

Today could have been better.

I was sick yesterday with a fever so I went home early and then today I had some stuff to make up and I had a headache. Today was also the day of my parent's first court hearing for the divorce.

I know that they disagree on living arrangements as of right now and this thought of not having one parent in the house was really bothering me. All I've ever known was two. That's how moms and dads come. As a pair. A set, if you will. It's not natural for them to be separate. That's not how it's supposed to be. Because kids need them both.

I was walking to band and I felt the familiar wave of anxiety splash onto what had been a peaceful shore. The rising of the pain made me walk quickly to find my friends. I felt the hot tears as they blurred. It got harder to breathe and there wasn't enough air for me. I tried to breathe quicker, but I felt suffocated. People swarmed the halls and usually I can control my emotions when others are around. But today, the sadness attacked me from behind when I least expected it.

Nothing felt worse to me than knowing that my classmates saw me when I was weak. At my breaking point. A few kids glanced at me as I held onto one of my friends. My body wanted to collapse into an abyss of tears but my friends kept me steady and walked me to band.

Band is my world. I absolutely adore music. And after awhile, I didn't notice the burning in my eyes or the sorrow in my heart. All I felt was the beauty of music soothing my pain.

I understand the struggle of the never-ending pain. How it can be there one day, and seemingly gone the next even though you know it's still there. It's beyond frustrating. I know. And this is why I pray for all of my viewers out there who need comfort. Because I have felt this pain. But be assured that someday it will be no longer and that we will be eternally happy with Him in heaven.

I can't wait for the day when I'll proclaim, "In Christ is the victory",
Marissa Mayer

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