Monday, December 21, 2015

Help Me Stand Strong

Good evening! Today was a long day of finals and depression so here goes tonight's post...

I had my Physics final today. I had been really anxious before I walked into the classroom. I sat down, took a deep breath and said a prayer. I find it to be a good habit before I test, because it tends to calm me down a bit. And it did...for awhile.

But I saw the clock. I saw how much I had left to do. My brain shut down and I couldn't focus on what I was doing. I zoned out for probably ten minutes. But I forced myself to get my head back in the game and thankfully finished only a minute or two after the bell.

I didn't think I did too well, but I went on with my day. At the final bell I quickly checked my grade online. I got an 87.5% (which is a B)! I was beyond thrilled. My studying paid off and I didn't do too bad!

But then I went to dance practice. I didn't really want to. I was tired and just wanted to go home. After warm-ups we worked on technique and I couldn't seem to do anything right. I wasn't feeling well and I couldn't wait for practice to be over.

Finally, it was. I went out to my car and it was a dreary afternoon. Rainy, cloudy, and overall, just blah. There was plenty of traffic on the way home too. I walked into my mom's apartment and I just crashed. I laid on my bed for two hours, just on my phone, feeling emotionless. And then I just started crying. Emotional pain filled my body and I wished, for the millionth time, that I could feel normal. And by normal, I mean the Marissa that existed back in 6th grade. Before the depression. Before I knew what it was like to cry basically every day. Before the trials in my life started getting worse. Back when my only worry was what to draw in art class, or how to do basic algebra. I turned on some music and just laid there, curled up in a ball, soaking my blanket with my tears.

My mom came in and just watched me. After a while she left. I stayed there, knowing I needed to study and get things done. I prayed a little harder, held my own hands a little tighter, and just waited for it to pass. And it did. My mom took me to the store to pick up some things and then we went out to dinner. I came back home, listened to some more music, and finished making my best friend's Christmas present. The release of creativity really helped me settle down and forget about things for a while.

At the end of the day, I've come to realize, yet again, how great God's love for me truly is. He never fails to amaze me. My prayers were answered and He wrapped me in His peace. And I can trust that when I need it again, He'll be sure to give it to me. Because my God is good. He is faithful. He is loving.

Remember to pray when you are weak. I can promise you that He will answer. Have patience and He will surround you with His love and comfort. Below is the video to the skit "Everything" by Lifehouse. This song is truly beautiful and it helped me out today. I totally encourage you to watch it.

As always, feel free to comment or email me...your feedback means SO much to me!
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When I am weak, He gives me His strength,
Marissa Mayer


2 comments:

  1. This goes right along with the scripture I was reading at 1 Peter 5:7 which says to "throw all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you." We can gain a lot of comfort from the scriptures as that is how our loving Father communicates with us. I am so happy that you are looking at life's blessings and things you have to be thankful for everyday as looking only at what's wrong in life will only sink you deeper into depression. One day soon God will rid us of all sickness, sorrow and pain (Revelation 21:3,4). Until then, I pray you continue to gain strength and comfort in God who comforts us in all of our tribulations (2 Corinthians 1:3,4).

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  2. Thank you so much Heather for your encouraging words! God truly does give us peace in time of need.

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