Saturday, February 27, 2016

Thankful For Success

Good afternoon everyone! Hope you're having a fabulous Saturday...just thought I'd take some time to let you know what's been on my mind.

This morning I had solo and ensemble which, to those of you who do not know, it's essentially a music festival. I played a Class A solo on my alto sax and I was quite nervous. I'm sure most of you know what it's like to feel nervous about something whether it be a game or performance of some sort. My hands were sweaty, my heart was racing and I knew there was only one thing left to do...

Pray.

I prayed that God would calm my fears. I thanked him for my talents, which He has so abundantly blessed me with. I hoped that He would use me to show the judge my passion for music, and how I play for His glory. I felt a sense of peace given to me, and I knew it was the answer to my prayer.

Before I knew it, it was my turn. I introduced myself and began the piece. Thankfully, it all went over quite well from my perspective. The judge was quite critical of my performance and I felt a little torn down at first. However, later I received a text from my director telling me that I'm going to state.

Now let's imagine that my story ends here. I am thrilled about going to state and that's all. It might seem like a good ending but, there's something else I had to do.

I had to thank God for providing this success. It was only through His work that I had come this far, and only through His divine goodness that I was able to perform so well. Without thanking Him, I would have been selfish to claim my success for myself.

I think this can be true for many times in our lives. We are quick to ask favors from God but forget to thank Him when we are showered in His many blessings. It's extremely important to remember that without God, we are completely helpless. However, through Jesus Christ's death on the cross we can find the ultimate success...and that's eternal life with Him in Heaven!

I hope you have a great rest of the weekend! Remember to thank God for all those wonderful successes!

God, you have been oh so good to me,
Marissa Mayer

Thursday, February 25, 2016

Push For Positivity

Good evening everyone! Thank you for all your patience...

I've been struggling lately to keep up with school, dance, work, and clearly my blog. Nobody warned me junior year would be so time consuming and difficult! I spend most of my time at school or at work, and every night before I go to sleep I cringe at the amount of sleep I'll be getting if I fall asleep right then.

I know that I've said in earlier posts that keeping yourself busy is a good way to keep your mind off things. However, I've come to realize that there is a point when it can become WAY too much. I have one or two breakdowns every week due to exhaustion, stress, and anxiety. But tonight I was feeling particularly motivated. I studied APUSH and practiced my saxophone, and here I am blogging! How great it feels to finally be getting something done...

But let's go back to before tonight. To the past few weeks. Dance practice everyday along with homework. Slowly but surely I slipped into another round of depression. I felt myself starting to hate dance team. I didn't want to practice. I was tired and emotionally done with it. It frustrated me because I was suddenly watching something I love turn into something I hate. Every day I wanted to quit. Due to upcoming performances, I forced myself to stay. I was whiny, irritable, and probably the worst teammate. I didn't want to talk to my teammates or my coach. I felt disconnected to the outside world (in and out of dance).

Internally, I was trying to make an effort to see clearly...the light at the end of the tunnel. I felt bad, (still do!) for being such a terrible influence on the rest of my team. I said things I didn't mean, and didn't say the things I probably should have. I didn't smile or encourage them as I should have. But rather I tore them down. I prayed that God would show me something to make me feel better about it all. And today, my prayer was answered when my coach pulled me aside after class.

Being a student at a private school isn't much different than going to public school. I take classes, I have homework (probably more...but that's the besides the point). I take quizzes, study for tests, and like days off. But being a student at Lutheran High has shown me that my teachers/coaches care about me. My coach actually asked how I was doing and we talked it out.

I feel so much better knowing that I'm cared for by my coach and my team and that my actions are forgiven. However, I refuse to let my depression keep such a hold on my positive attitude all the time, especially towards my team. So as I work through my negativity, I encourage all of you to pray about it! I worked for me, and I believe it can for you too. Prayer is the most effective method to get the devil and his nasty lies out of our heads. For Christ's love is sufficient. And through His love, we are given hope in eternal life with Him in Heaven.

Praying for all my wonderful and faithful followers out there tonight. I hope you have a wonderful finish to your week, and I will continue to try and post! I have some pretty big plans for Depressed But Blessed in the future...still a work in progress.

"Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."
-Ephesians 4:31-32


Fight the negativity and push for that positivity!
Marissa Mayer

P.S. I'm looking for some blog logo ideas? If you're interested in helping me design, or you have some ideas PLEASE email me! Would love to hear from any of you! Your help and support is so greatly appreciated.

2.25.16

Good morning everyone! I'm about to head to class but I thought I'd make a quick note and let you know that I will hopefully post tonight or tomorrow night! Life has been incredibly crazy, and I apologize for my lack of blogging. Just know that I've been praying for all of you. I hope you have a great Thursday, and hopefully I'll be posting later!

Thank you for your continued patience and support!
Marissa Mayer

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

The Terrifying Truth

Good evening to all my lovely viewers. It's been a rough night for me. But anyways, tonight's post is going to revolve around the cold, hard truth about this life and the way depression loves to work (at least how it likes to work for me).

I'm going to start off with saying something brutally honest: This life is hard.

How many times has this phrase crossed my mind? In the past year, at least a billion. You know why? Because we are surrounded by sin. By the mistakes of others and ourselves that all went against the will of God. You can't log onto Facebook without seeing another update about the terrible things going on in this country and across the world. This universe is filled with tears, death, and heartbreak. Looking at my own life, there is so much destruction. I was an "accident" baby, brought into the world by two people who chose drugs and alcohol over their own daughter. I was placed into a loving home, and was a foster sister to a handful of babies, who all got put back home. I finally got a little brother, but grew up to be bullied all through middle school. Left out, called "fat" and a "slut." My grandma died and then when I was in 7th grade my depression started as a seed and grew into a vicious vine of thistles and thorns at the end of my sophomore year. My dad's mistakes put my family in a hard place, love was hard, and my heart was broken because I was let down by a handful of boys, and now my father. My dad gave up on us and before you knew it, I had shaking hands holding a bottle of pills ready to call it quits. Not once, but twice. It was like my life had a dark lens over my eyes and all I knew was tears and the need to die.

And for those of us with mental illness, not only are we fighting the daily struggles of life, but the internal battle within ourselves. I firmly believe that without my faith, my mind has potential to be a scary place. While it holds creativity, intelligence, and some general beauty, there are days when I am afraid of myself. What I am capable of doing to myself. And perhaps not so much what I am capable of, but what the devil is capable of. I remember I told you last week about when it all "came back", and that was when I realized how fearful I am.

To me, my depression is something that is separate from me. It doesn't define me, but it does like to control a very big part of my life. It likes to take me on my happiest days and throw me to the ground. It can take me from smiles to tears in an instant. Somebody can say one thing in the wrong tone to me, and because I'm suddenly so sensitive, my depression paralyzes me and I'm usually shut down the rest of the day. In all honesty, my depression makes my life even harder than it was supposed to be in the first place.

On top of it, let's add the anxiety. The real fear that takes my breath away, makes my palms sweaty, and captures any words that I need to say. I struggle to look for the last ounce of hope inside of me to pray. And some days it gets to the point where my friend Melody has to pray for me because I can't seem to do it myself. My anxiety gives me this feeling as though I'm drowning because I'm just trapped in a pool of fear with no way out.

I wish somebody would have warned me about it all. Warned me about the rough future I would face when I was a little girl. I'm not sure what I could have done to prepare myself. Because as of right now, I hold on tight to the people around me because they are my support. Without my mom's love today, I'm not sure I'd be alive, along with my best friend.

I'm sorry this post had such a sad tone to it, but I had a lot of feelings to get out there tonight. But I guess it's a part of growing up and God shaping me into the beautiful human I can be at the end of it all. And tonight, although I cry, I try to rest firm in knowing that He will provide for me, calm my fears, and take care of me. Now and forever. Because He the beauty in this world of dark colors and sin...

...and the calming presence to my stormy sea,
Marissa Mayer
xoxo

Monday, February 8, 2016

My Top 10 Coping Methods

Good evening! Hope you all had a great Monday and if you didn't, I'm sure the rest of the week will go well for you. I'm always praying!

In all honesty, I don't have a specific topic to write about tonight (so if you have ANY ideas at all, please please PLEASE email me, and I will most definitely write about it)...so I hope you don't mind this list of my some of my coping methods.

I've been doing well again for the most part. But really, it can end up being a roller coaster. It depends on the day...and every day I encounter little things that can really get to me. It's sort of frustrating, and I'm learning how to cope with it. So I thought maybe I'd give you some of my methods (no promises that they'll work for you, but they might be worth a shot):

1) Listen to some music.
As somebody who is obsessed with the art of music, I am always comforted by this. I'm not suggesting sad songs either. Maybe try classical or something new (I really love Vivaldi's Four Seasons when I'm trying to focus and get stuff done). If you're not into that, then I'd suggest some songs with a good beat.
Here's a playlist I found on Pinterest (sorry boys, it's more for the girls):
http://www.tressugar.com/Empowering-Songs-Women-2014-35813405

2) Talk it out.
I believe it's important to share some of the thoughts on your mind. Find somebody who's willing to listen. Of course, talking to God is the most important! Prayer is always a great method in helping yourself feel better. Otherwise, as I've said a million times before, I'm here to listen too! You can always feel free to contact me at: marissa.mayer17@gmail.com

3) Or write it out...
I've always loved to write...hence the reason I am able to keep this blog going. Sometimes when it's late at night and I don't want to bother anyone, I write it all down. Usually I'll keep it and read it another day, and other times I just throw it away. It's a good outlet for me, and sometimes I can use it for inspiration on my posts.

4) Relax.
One of my recent discoveries in helping myself is taking baths and reading (not at the same time). I also love using candles, which is very calming. For some reason, the warm water is soothing to me and sometimes aromatherapy works well for me (if you're looking for some suggestions...Bath & Body Works is a fabulous resource- I use their aroma therapy products as well as their regular scents...one of my favorites is Mediterranean Blue Waters- check it out!)
And I love books. The Bible is a classic- of course Psalms is my favorite book. Sometimes getting myself into good literature can really help me escape from the drama of this reality and allow me to put myself into another one for a few chapters. Not only is reading relaxing, it's beneficial to your health all around. It grows your vocabulary, can teach you new things, and is proven to help stress! Check out an article I found here: http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/10-benefits-reading-why-you-should-read-everyday.html
I'll try and put some good book recommendations on my "Inspiration" page soon. If you have any suggestions for me to read, let me know!

5) Get in touch with your creative side.
Ever since I was a kid, I've loved being creative. Whether it was writing poetry or drawing, I absolutely adored anything I made myself. I think that getting creative is super great for your brain, and society must think so too with those new "adult coloring books"...(want one by the way!) So whether it's coloring a picture, or making something you found on Pinterest (yes, food counts), try making something new...you might end up surprised!

6) Go outside!
Sometimes, I feel like God is a million miles away. When this happens, I like to go outside and get a breath of fresh air. Of course, it's a lot nicer and easier to do in the summer, but you can still go outside during the winter and look at the beautiful snow (which is a great reminder of the way we are made pure through Christ's sacrifice on the cross!) Another great connection is the beauty of His creation. I love standing out in the fresh falling snow and trying to fathom that each snowflake is unique and no two are the same. Overall, being outside just has such a positive effect on my attitude.

7) Get active. 
It's really important to get a little bit of activity every day. For me, dancing is usually a good way to let out some energy- and hopefully the negative energy! Otherwise grab a friend and go for a run or hit the gym. Whatever it is, get moving!

8) Get some sleep.
As a high school student, I am often sleep deprived by Wednesdays and have to catch up on sleep during the weekend. But it's really important to get as much rest as you can when you're super busy. I know that when I'm not getting enough, I can get very irritable and easily stressed out. So whenever possible, skip out on the late-night online shopping, and pulling all-nighters cramming for those exams and go to bed early. It can be a huge blessing to just get enough sleep. Then hopefully you'll wake up feeling a little bit more refreshed.

9) Surround yourself with people.
My depression loves to get me down sometimes, and when it does, I usually like to seclude myself. But really, that's just so the devil can get a better grasp on me. Because I have no support when I'm alone, and it's easier to sit and dwell in my depression. So even when that voice in your head tells you to go sit in your room alone, power through. Usually I like to grab my mom and catch up on some Grey's Anatomy or go out shopping with her. Anything to get my mind off of the darkness in my head, and focus on having a good time with others. Otherwise, pick up the phone and call a friend!

10) Treat yourself. 
Don't be afraid to treat yourself. For me, it's treating myself to food. When I'm feeling a little down, I like to get myself some ice cream. Otherwise, I'll finally go out and buy something that I've been wanting for awhile. This doesn't always mean I'm spending a lot, sometimes it can be as simple as getting myself a new color of nail polish or something simple. Although this method might not be very beneficial for my bank account, it usually brings a smile to my face.



That's all I have for you guys tonight. I hope you enjoyed reading this post! If you have any great coping methods that you use, feel free to share them with me! Keep checking the blog for a new poll and  hopefully I'll post again later this week.

Depressed but always and forever blessed,
Marissa Mayer

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

2/2/16


Didn't have much time to blog tonight due to homework, but I thought this might be uplifting for some of you to read! Don't forget to take my poll on the side! 

Made with purpose,
Marissa Mayer

Monday, February 1, 2016

His Presence and His Presents

Good evening to all my lovely viewers out there! Guess what...you made it through yet another Monday! Another day in and of itself...I'm so proud of all of you.

I have a lot on my mind tonight- lot's of things to write about. So let's go:

After my small anxiety attack during gym class the other day, I haven't been the same as before. I'm a little bit more on edge, and a whole lot more emotional. I get teary at the silliest things...like losing my phone charger and getting up for school. Crazy, I know! I'm blaming it on lack of sleep and hormones. Maybe even the possible mood disorder.

But it's frustrating. Although my day started out with a 6 AM dance practice, I thought the rest of my day went fairly well. I got to spend a little time with my cousin after school and it really brought a smile to my face. But then I got home and I had homework to do with little to no motivation at all. So here I am, blogging and ready to just go to sleep. Why? Because I feel like sleeping feels better than facing the life in front of me. The stress and anxiety of my everyday life.

But today in my Christian Leadership class we talked about crises (plural of crisis). In our county there has been a lot of tragedies lately, including car accidents and house fires killing children and a teenager. During these rough times it is easy to wonder where God is. But He is omnipresent. Present everywhere and at all times. As I sit here writing, I feel like crying. The devil likes to get me in his grasp whenever possible, and right now I'm trying to find the strength to pray. But He is present and I although I hurt, I am aware that He is near.

You might be wondering, how can you write this blog when you can't even help yourself? And that's what I'm trying to answer for myself. For some reason, I find it easier to help others, and love them, rather than myself. However, I try each and every day to do both. And I firmly believe that by helping you all, I am reassuring my own faith. It's all a part of being in the family of Christ I suppose.

What I want you to take away from this somewhat confusing post is that God is always present and always giving us "presents." Look around you...has He not given you a bed to sleep in, food to satisfy you, and love to surround you? Our God certainly is so good. I know for certain that all of you have certainly been a "present" to me. Watching the number of views go up each week always makes my heart happy knowing that I could be touching lives across the globe.

Please take the poll on the side! Also, if you have any post suggestions or feedback please email me at marissa.mayer17@gmail.com

Thankful for His presence and His presents,
Marissa Mayer