Tuesday, March 8, 2016

S-T-U-C-K

Good evening! Today, it was 70 degrees here in Wisconsin. Let me repeat that...70 degrees! In March! Funny thing is, we just had a ton of snow last Friday night and a frigid Saturday to follow. The weather certainly is crazy. But anyways, not sure where I'm headed with today's post, so bear with me.

The other night was a rough one for me. I had a pretty good day traveling with pep band, but when I got home I crashed. I can't remember the last time I had felt so broken. My body was cold and tired so I went to bed despite the fact that it was 5 o'clock in the evening.

The lights in my room were off and the blinds were shut on my window. I could feel the depression sneak up on me in the darkness. The hurt built up in my heart. I missed my dad and the way my life used to be. I cried and fell asleep and then woke up crying and would drift back to sleep. I was hungry but didn't want to eat. I attempted to get out of bed but when I was trying I became dizzy and my body physically ached. I changed my mind and went back to my room. I laid on my bed sobbing because I was scared. The whispers in my head felt like shouts telling me that I couldn't survive like this anymore. The feelings of not wanting to live slowly surrounded me.

I'm not sure what it was that pushed me to get help. But I picked up my phone and messaged my pastor. He helped me through it and reminded me that I am loved. After talking to him I forced myself to get up. My mom took me out to get something to eat and I had a pretty decent rest of the night.

Basically, I've been in a rut lately. And that night was a pretty low place for me. I'm not even sure where I would've ended up if I hadn't finally decided to ask for help.

To summarize, I feel alone. I'm slowly losing my best friend. I hate going to school because to me, it's a building full of stress and expectations I can't always meet. I find little pleasure in doing things I once loved to do. And while I'm stuck in this rut, I'm still gonna be waiting for it to pass. Because depression is just a vicious cycle. It takes your time and turns it into tears, and then lets you stand victorious on top of the mountain before pushing you down the side.

But to all of you, I pray that you can stand on top of that mountain for a little while. I'm cheering for all of you as I struggle at the bottom of this valley. And for those of you who are sitting down here with me, you're not alone. We just gotta hold on tight before we can start the climb.

Praying without ceasing,
Marissa Mayer

P.S. I have a new poll up on the side! Please please please vote! Thanks!



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