Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Heartbreak

Good morning...hope you're all doing good. Unfortunately, I'm not doing as well.

I don't really talk about relationships or guys a lot on my blog because, well, it's not the focus. But I recently went through another heartbreak. And by recently, I mean last night. All I have to say is: boys, boys, boys...oh how silly.

I've been let down by them before. Thankfully I've moved on from each of them through good time, and even kept one of them around...he's now one of my best friends. But for some reason, this heartbreak hurts a little worse. I think it's due to the fact that I've recently dealt with drifting from my long time best friend, and have to deal with a ton of school stress...(trust me, there will be many frustrated, stressed out blog posts to come in the next month, so hold on).

But I really depended on this guy to help me out when things got rough. And probably a little more than I should have. I thought I was doing everything right. I prayed continuously that this was the right one, and that God would let me hold onto this one for a little while. And when I didn't get the answer I wanted, I was mad.

I drove down to Grafton last night to have dinner with a friend and I cried the whole way there. I sobbed, and got frustrated that God kept throwing these things at me. But that wasn't true. Despite my yelling, and pleading for it all to come back, I came to realize that this has nothing to do with God. But a lot more to do with me.

I didn't look to God as much as I should have. I think I slowly let this "relationship" get in the way of my faith. I relied on somebody instead of the ultimate One. While this boy was (and still is) of great support to me, I understand that God wants me to grow in my faith. He wants the best for me, and will allow whatever is necessary for me to succeed in my faith.

While the night was rough, I also found great support. Dinner with my friend was lovely. She's such a role model to me and has taught me a lot. I also called my friend Melody to help comfort me (and ask her to be my new date to prom).

So, despite the anxiety attack I had in the car, and the crying myself to sleep, I'm glad I've come to the understanding that God wants what is best for me, and will never break my heart when I put my trust in Him.

Much love, 
Marissa Mayer

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