Sunday, May 8, 2016

Adopted Into The Most Loving Arms

Happy Mothers Day to all you wonderful moms out there! I thought it would be fitting to have my post fit in with the day...so here's a little insight on what this day means to me.

As you probably already know, I'm adopted. I was born on August 4th, 1999, to parents who were unable to keep me due to drug and alcohol issues. Thankfully, I was given into the loving arms of the mother I have now, and I cannot picture my life without her.

But when I was growing up, I knew that being adopted made me different. I didn't look like my mom and dad like the other kids did at school. I had two parents whom I loved dearly, and two more that I didn't really know at all. When I was little, I was forced to go on mandatory visitation, which I hated. Often times I would cry and throw fits because it's like I was being handed off to strangers. My biological parents told me that I had to call them mom and dad, and my adoptive parents by their real names. They always told me they loved me, and trying to say it back felt wrong because I didn't mean it. I didn't know them. Strangers who brought me into the world, expecting me to love them in despite of their poor decisions. It didn't seem right.

The whole situation hit me when I got older. I held a lot of anger towards my biological parents. I didn't understand how you simply give up a child and continue on a poor path of wrong choices. While I was incredibly happy with my adoptive parents, I felt abandoned by my mother and father. At the same time, I didn't want anything to do with them. I blamed my mental illness on them (it runs in the family), and dreaded visitation (this ended about a year and a half ago). But with a lot of prayer, God has settled my heart and has shown me that I'm better off where I am now. And I suppose that if my real mother ever reads this, she should know this: Thank you. For bringing me into this world and allowing me to grow up with the right family. While I don't always understand your choices, they certainly worked out for the better.

And thankfully, God has brought me to the understanding that He had a better plan for me in mind. My mom now, Leah, was unable to have children. And I, was unable to have a fit mother. A perfect match. She is the most wonderful woman in the world. Despite her own struggles growing up, and facing a recent divorce, I see so much strength in my mom. She picks me up when I am down and has helped me through every round of depression. My mom has the most beautiful heart and goes to great lengths for my brother and I. She is more than a mother, she's my best friend. I can always tell her anything, and she's always got me laughing. I used to wonder if she would love me more if I was her biological child, but I've come to the realization that DNA doesn't matter. When I look at my mom, I can only thank God, because His plan turned out better than anything I could have dreamed of.

So, Mom, here's to you. Despite my sassy attitude, occasional crabbiness, and my strong-will to be somewhat independent, I still need you. And I love you more than you will ever know.

Here's to my wonderful mom, hand-picked by Him,
Marissa Mayer

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