Sunday, June 19, 2016

1 of 365

Today was my least favorite day of the year...Father's Day.

Social media was filled with pictures of dads and families. It hurt me a little because I haven't really had a good father figure in my life. Memories of my biological father come down to verbal abuse and feeling pressured to do my visitation with him when I didn't want to. Being forced to say I love you when I didn't mean it. When it comes to my adoptive dad, he wasn't always very present in my life. Most of my good memories with him come from my early childhood. But things became rough with the falling out of our family last spring.

I held a lot of anger towards my dad for what he did to our family. For giving up. And at times, I believe I still feel slightly irritated by it. I make a point to stay in touch with him and I know I can go back home to him whenever I like. But it will never be the same. 

We used to do cool stuff together sometimes when I was really little. Simple stuff. I can remember going to the Wisconsin Dells and making him take me down my favorite water slide countless times. Or the times when we used to play kickball in the front yard of our house. He used to read me my favorite books over and over again until we both had them memorized. One of my favorite memories was when he would tuck me in at night and lay next to me until I fell asleep (often times, he fell asleep too).

Unfortunately, he missed out on a lot later in my life when he was busy with work. Work was a priority that came before me and the rest of my family. It drove us apart. While my dad and I have a decent relationship now, it's nothing close to the ones I saw on Facebook today. And it breaks my heart often.

So today was harder than the rest. 2 dads who never set the right example. Thankfully I have a wonderful mom who often times fills the roles of both parents. And for that, I'm forever grateful. But today was just one day out of 365 and I made it through something that hit me a little hard. And guess what? I'm gonna make it through the rest of them. How? Through the love and strength of the ultimate Father. His peace will set me free.

Constantly blessed by my Heavenly Father,
Marissa Mayer

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