Sunday, June 5, 2016

Seclusion: Is It Okay?

Good evening all! My sincerest apologies for not blogging in awhile...life's been keeping me busy. I pray that you've all been doing great.

Back when I was in a really bad round of depression I remember wanting to be alone ALL the time. I was constantly in my room, door shut, listening to music, and usually just laying paralyzed in my bed doing nothing but crying. Other times, it was sitting on the bathroom floor, just because the cold tile reminded me that I was alive.

For those of us with depression it's easy to want to be alone when we feel down. Even my anxiety contributes to that. Awhile ago I was out in public and there just seemed to be too many people and I wished I was at home by myself.

And is it okay to want to be alone all the time?

Answer: No. Especially when you're going through a bad spell of depression. A few weeks ago I had a bad relapse and I called the suicide hotline because I was having an attack and was afraid things could get worse. The woman on the other end told me that I should play it safe and find somebody to be with. Just so that I wasn't alone. That's how my demons feed. Off of the idea of loneliness. And I've found that if I'm in a situation where I have to be alone, I need to pray, because I'm never truly alone. 

However...sometimes being alone can be good. Let me explain.

I recently had a rough day and lately, I catch myself missing my grandma who died back in 2010 of lung cancer. So after a nap, I went to the cemetery. I sat by her tombstone and poured my heart out. Although my grandma can't hear me, it was more about letting my feelings flow. I sat there for probably a half hour as the sun set. Crying, praying, and telling the world how I felt. When I was done, I went to a park in the town I used to live in. The park has a cute swing that overlooks the pond and it was put there in my grandmas memory. Now I find myself going here 2 or 3 times a week. I sat and started to write down some ideas for my blog. I prayed some more. I appreciated the beauty of nature that surrounded me.

Like I've said in other posts, being alone and treating yourself to some peace and quiet can be very helpful. As long as you aren't constantly secluding yourself. 

So do it for you. If you're feeling super depressed and wanting to be alone a lot, stop secluding yourself so much. Do it for your health. Go hang out with other people. Call up an old friend. Open the door and explore.

And if you need a mental health pick-me-up: go on a walk by yourself. A drive. A hike. Whatever it is, pray while you do it. Trust me, you'll feel a lot better.

Seclusion can be perfect in just the right conditions.

Blessings,
Marissa Mayer

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