Monday, September 26, 2016

Father Forever

Happy Depressed But Blessed Monday! Hope you all had a great weekend. This past week was homecoming week for me, so I was quite busy and got somewhat worried when I realized today I needed to write a post. Anyways, here goes...

I know that there are many high school seniors who feel somewhat sad at the thought of all the "lasts". I, unfortunately, do not fall into that category. As I approach all of these lasts, I am getting more and more excited to the future that lies ahead. I know that many people would tell me to appreciate these high school days as I have them, however, high school has not been the best years of my life and I'm more than ready to "leave the nest", as one might say. 

So last week, as we went through the fun homecoming activities of the week, I was rather uninterested. Perhaps it was due to the fact that I was in the process of moving, so I was busy at both home and school. I also had a ton of quizzes, tests, and essays to complete and even as it is now Monday, I feel completely drained. I ran on little sleep, lots of caffeine, and an abundance of prayer.

Midweek, I realized I hadn't seen my dad in awhile. Since the beginning of the divorce process, I have not kept the set living schedule with each parent, mostly because I'd just rather stay with my mom. However, I for some reason, missed my dad and went to go see him. It wasn't until I left when I realized that I don't talk to him very often. We exchange the occasional text messages and talk mostly of school and work when I do make the time to visit him. I feel like things just aren't the same as they used to be.

I pushed the thought aside, and it didn't hit me until the next day. I was leaving band and a sudden sadness knocked all contentment out of me. My hot tears were out of pain, jealousy, and a strong want for my old dad. The one who did fun things with me, who made time for me, and who I looked to for comfort. I felt broken and upset. I needed that father figure in my life.

Looking back on the pain I felt, I can now say that while it still hurts a little, I've come to understand that I have a father to look to. There are children all across the world that live with one parent. Without my dad always present, I see the most beautiful strength in my mom. I also look to my band director who has acted as not only a teacher and friend, but also as a dad to me. At the end of the day, it's all about God the Father. He has brought me through many trials, forgiven me of my sins, and shown me an everlasting love through His Son. He walks me out of the darkness and to the light. Even when I feel like I'm standing alone, God is not only my comfort, but has also put wonderful people in my life who will guide me in my faith and beyond.

He always provides,
Marissa Mayer
xoxo

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