Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Letting Go, For Me

Good afternoon! Sorry this post is yet again, a day late. Had my Christmas concert last night so I was up late and unable to write. As always, I pray that you're all doing well.

Let me preface this post by saying, if you aren't happy in your current daily life, you should definitely do anything and everything you can to help yourself. You come first.

I think that all of you can relate to a time when you were overwhelmed and wanted life to slow down and just get a little easier. Well, recently, that was me. I'm caught up in my school work, my job, music, and dance team. It's too much to handle right now.

Every morning, I wake up dreading the day that lies ahead of me. My body aches from the moment my eyes open and I can almost feel my depression groaning as I drag myself out of bed. No, this isn't simply a sleep deprived teenager. This is mental illness with just one of its finest side effects. 

I'd have to be at school early for various music groups and there'd be days I would have to stay late for dance practice and then performances. I missed the simplicity of going home and enjoying time with my mom or having an adequate amount of time for homework and just relaxation. I became agitated with my somewhat chaotic schedule. Something had to change.

I'm not on medications because my parents don't want me to be, therefore, overcoming my daily battle with depression is something I have to figure out on my own (even with medication, I'm sure I'd still feel the need to make adjustments).

After a lot of prayer and consideration, I knew it was time to move on and make some sacrifices for my own mental health. I needed to quit dance...and I did.

I contemplated writing about this because I know that I have a wide variety of viewers from the community, and I also thought that this was still premature and perhaps I had done the wrong thing. However, after today, I feel a new sense of freedom and a load of stress lifted off my shoulders.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this will be easy. It's going to suck watching the girls perform without me. I sincerely loved performing and am incredibly grateful for my time as a dancer, but it feels good when I remind myself that I finally did something for me. I made a sacrifice of doing something I love to make me feel better and I can't wait to see the benefits that come from doing so. 

I think that in today's society, teenagers especially, feel pressured a lot to be involved in everything and are just overall stressed out. And I guess the purpose of this post is to tell you all that it's okay to give up things that you need to. The same goes for unhealthy relationships, jobs, hard classes, etc. To those on the outside, it might seem selfish, but in the long run, your mental health is top priority. It's during those times of "letting go" that it's also important to be in God's Word and attending church so that you can hear the promise of His comfort and be reminded that He will provide for your needs.

Sometimes, letting go means becoming free,
Marissa Mayer



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