Monday, February 6, 2017

It's The Small Stuff

Another Monday.

I apologize for not writing last week, I'm pretty stressed. I had a good post idea in mind, regarding some cool theological stuff that had crossed my mind, so perhaps I'll get around to pulling that together for you sometime this week. No guarantees.

I'm preparing for a music scholarship audition on Saturday and I'm getting a little nervous. On a brighter note, I dropped A.P. Calculus for a study hall, so now my schedule is so much easier for me and there's a lot less stress on my plate.

I guess I was doing pretty well. I kept busy with music stuff, school, and work, so my mind didn't have time to wander. And then there was Sunday. My least favorite day of the week.

I didn't go to church yesterday (that's my plan for tonight), and I didn't do all that much. Sundays for me are always terrible because it's the end of the weekend and I come face to face with the realization that another hectic week lies ahead. I went to bed feeling kind of emotionally unstable (there's genuinely no good way for me to describe it) and had hope that a new morning was ahead of me.

Except it wasn't.

I woke up to the sound of my alarm, moaned, and shut it off. From the moment my body had woken up, I felt it. The presence of weight on my shoulders and just an overall heaviness on my chest. I slept longer than I should have, and finally managed to roll out of bed. This whole getting up every day, is sometimes a challenge in itself, making the day ahead even worse.

My first two morning classes are band and choir so I hoped that would cheer me up. My director selected my favorite band piece to work on today, but I couldn't get myself into the right musical frame of mind to shape the music and play it appropriately. On top of that, I was having technical difficulties with my instrument. Choir was a little better, but not by much. I'm sick with a cold so I couldn't hear myself sing very well, and it was frustrating.

Writing all of this now, I feel like all of these stupid little things should be nothing. But they aren't. To me, they're challenges that add up to irritate me. I'm getting tired of it. I also am losing a lot of motivation to write again because my blog has lately become my outlet for complaining, which I know isn't good content at all.

It is the small stuff. It bothers me to no end and I'm working so hard on finding the strength to push it away, but the weight is just a little too much today. So I guess for now, I'll let this be a crummy day, and start again tomorrow. Hopefully going to church tonight makes me feel better. Sorry this post is a mess.

Love,
Marissa Mayer

2 comments:

  1. Hi Marissa, I have struggled with depression for decades and totally comprehend! I hope you are feeling better now, both physically and mentally. Thank you so much for sharing, and warm greetings from Montreal, Canada.

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    1. It can be very frustrating can't it? Thank you so very much for reading and sharing with me. Blessings.

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